In many cities around the world polution levels have been risen in recent years. Why are some cities becoming more polluted? What effects does this have?
An increasing
number
of people around the world are choosing to live in large cities
. This
, along with
the development of modern industry
, has led to higher levels of population in many city
. Change to a plural noun
cities
As a result
, the local environment and people’s health
are being negatively affected.
Cities
with a large population are often especially polluted. This
is because there is a greater concentration of cars and industry
in a small area. Cities
with both
a large number
of cars and a poor public transport system are often in a particularly bad situation as they suffer from high levels of noise and air pollution
. Other cities
, which have economies that rely on industry
, have to deal with problems created by manufacturing. These can include air, water and soil polution
, Correct your spelling
pollution
both
locally and in a wider area aroung
the city.
Correct your spelling
around
As a result
of these two factors, pollution
can have negative effects on both
the local environment and people’s well-being. Increased air pollution
is often linked to a number
of health
concerns, particularly breathing problems. Both
water and soil pollution
can damage or kill a number
of plant and animal species, and ultimately, this
may affect the quality of the food available for human
. Fix the agreement mistake
humans
Lastly
, both
transport and industry
can increase noise and light pollution
in cities
. This
can mean that people get poor sleep and their health
may be affected by this
.
In conclusion, some cities
are becoming more polluted because they are becoming more populated which leads to growing
amount of traffic and industrial production. Add an article
the growing
a growing
This
has a negative impact on both
the local environment and on people’s health
.Submitted by duyuyen18 on
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Language Accuracy
Be vigilant of spelling errors (e.g., 'polution' should be 'pollution', 'aroung' should be 'around') as they can slightly distract from the clarity of your message. Proofreading can help eliminate these small mistakes.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence, use a wider range of cohesive devices. While your essay is structured well, varying your linking phrases can make the text flow even smoother.
Task Achievement
To further improve task achievement, consider integrating a wider variety of specific examples. You've made general statements about pollution and its effects. Adding real-world examples or case studies could strengthen your argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Logical Structure
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Supported Main Points
Your main points are well-supported by explanations, which effectively contributes to the coherence and cohesion of the essay.
Complete Response & Clear Comprehensive Ideas
You've provided a complete response to the task, offering clear and comprehensive ideas and addressing both parts of the question (causes and effects of pollution in cities).
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.