IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some countries achieve international sports by building specialised facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development? Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #sports #facilities #train #athletes #development
It is a common fact that being a professional athlete requires consistency in practising. As an effort to support their
athletes
, some countries build certain sports
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 which are specialized only for professional
athletes
. In
this
situation
Add a comma
situation,
show examples
 I strongly believe that providing these
facilities
 brings more benefits compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
negatives.
To begin
 with, there are several advantages of building
facilities
 only for professional
athletes
 to
practice
.
Firstly
, it gives more flexibility for the
athletes
 to set their
practice
 schedule since no other strangers will use the
facilities
.
Subsequently
, they can have more time to
practice
 and improve their skills.
In addition
, the use of an exclusive building lets
athletes
 focus more on their
practice
 because their fans will have no access to the
facilities
.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
 the positives, using an exclusive building
also
 has some drawbacks. One disadvantage is that coaches will not be able to meet new
sportsman
Fix the agreement mistake
sportsmen
show examples
 in the field.
For example
, non-professional players will not use the
facilities
 to
practice
while
 coaches will spend most of their time in the building. Unfortunately, the possibility for them to meet during
practice
 is reduced. Another drawback is that the government will spend more money on the asset. The expenses are not only used when they build it but
also
 the maintenance of the
facilities
. In conclusion, despite the negatives
such
 as giving less chance for new players and gaining more expense, building
exclusively
Change the word
exclusive
show examples
facilities
 for
athletes
 is more important for the country. The importance is
due to
 the development of the
athletes
' skills as their
practice
 schedule and focus will not be distracted.
Submitted by buyabuya201 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to include more specific examples or data to support your arguments. This can make your essay more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure to link ideas between paragraphs more clearly using a variety of linking words or phrases.
task achievement
You presented a balanced view discussing both advantages and disadvantages effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion were clear and directly addressed the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • specialised facilities
  • train top athletes
  • international sports
  • boost
  • reputation
  • attract
  • sporting events
  • access
  • general public
  • inequality
  • opportunities
  • overemphasis
  • elite sports
  • neglect
  • grassroots development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: