IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Robots and artificial intelligence are being developed to replace humans in the workplace. Why this is happening? Do you think this will have a positive or negative impact on society?

#robots #intelligence #humans #workplace #impact #society
In the digital era, the development of artificial intelligence and
robots
 leads to the replacement of
humans
 in the working areas. I believe that it is derived from the
robots
' effective productivity and the lack of human resources in several
jobs
.
Additionally
, I argue that it will help ensure the safety of
people
 in risky
jobs
, but it is
also
 the major reason for the
rising
Replace the word
rise
show examples
 of unemployment. It must be acknowledged that
robots
 and artificial intelligence
work
 more effectively than
humans
. To explain,
while
humans
 can only
work
 from 8 to 10 hours per day,
robots
 and AI
work
 constantly for several days to meet the large requirement of products.
For example
, the Shoppee's shipping procedure is all made by automated machines
instead
 of
workers
 like before. The lack of employees in some dangerous
work
 is
also
 raise considerably. In order words, the young generation now is not willing to
work
 in dangerous conditions, they usually have
trend
Add an article
a trend
the trend
show examples
 to does office
work
 which has a stable salary. It leads to a shortage of
workers
 in risky
jobs
, so they have to utilise
robots
 to do those
jobs
.
For instance
, currently, there is a repaired robot used to fix undersea cables which rare
people
 want to do
due to
 its high water pressure.
Furthermore
, the replacement of
robots
 in dangerous
jobs
 can
be ensuring
Wrong verb form
ensure
show examples
 the safety of
people
 who do risky
jobs
.
This
 is because, their still several things which only can be done by
people
 so to keep safe,
robots
 and artificial intelligence are used to support
humans
 in dangerous situations. Take the job of digging underground tunnels as an example,
people
 can
be using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
robots
 to investigate the conditions of soil and oxygen before digging to ensure the safety of
workers
.
However
, the enhancement of
robots
 and AI in the workplace is
also
 the major reason for the high-unemployed nowadays. Put into words, using
robots
 and AI reduce the demand for staff because businesses only need a few machines' controllers.
Such
 as Samsung which has been riding a large amount of
workers
last
 year because of the manpower surplus.

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coherence cohesion
Remember to clearly structure your essay. Your essay has a good structure, but it might benefit from more distinct paragraph separations and clearer topic sentences to introduce each main idea.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate a wider diversity of transition words and phrases to enhance the flow of your essay. You've done well connecting your ideas, yet further diversification can make the text more engaging.
task achievement
To improve your task achievement, ensure your opinion is clear throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion. This will make your argument more compelling and easier to follow.
task achievement
Be cautious with grammatical and spelling errors, as they can slightly detract from the clarity of your argument. Proofreading can help eliminate these small inaccuracies.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, providing detailed examples and a clear stance on the topic.
coherence cohesion
You've successfully used examples to support your main points, which significantly strengthens your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Automation
  • Efficiency
  • Cost-effective
  • Innovation
  • Technological advancements
  • Job displacement
  • Economic disparity
  • Dependency
  • Cyber-attacks
  • Ethical concerns
  • Moral questions
  • Standard of living
  • Income gap
  • Widespread automation
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