People doing dangerous sports activities should be responsible for their own life and rescue workers should not risk their lives to save people doing the sports. Do you agree or disagree?
Undoubtedly, with more and more individuals addicted to high-risk
sports
, people
start to discuss whether using government resources to rescue these athelates
is a Correct your spelling
athletes
visable
method because they already know how dangerous the sport is and still do these Correct your spelling
visible
viable
hazard
Replace the word
hazardous
sports
. Some poeple
refer to saving these Correct your spelling
people
people
as a waste of society
Change noun form
society's
sources
, Correct your spelling
resources
others
look Correct word choice
while others
upon to
it as a human Change preposition
at
right
. As for my perspectives, I am in favor
of the latter, and the reasons will be thoroughly Change the spelling
favour
elaberated
on as follows.
Correct your spelling
elaborated
First,
when speaking of human lives, it definitely is the first priority and everyone should be treated in
Change preposition
apply
equal
. Take Olincpic Change the word
equally
Athelates
Correct your spelling
Athletes
for example
, most of the sports
they played exist
high risks. To bring the gallery to Verb problem
have
Correct article usage
the contry
contry
, Correct your spelling
country
atheletes
spare no efforts to practice day and night, Correct your spelling
athletes
not to mention
most of
Change preposition
apply
Add an article
the athelates
athelates
have contributed to Correct your spelling
athletes
sports
since they were only 4 or 5 years old. Their giving absolutely deserve
the rescue works to save them when accidents Correct subject-verb agreement
deserves
happened
in the competitions.
Wrong verb form
happen
Secondly
, people
should be treated in
Change preposition
apply
equal
, no Change the word
equally
matters
their Fix the agreement mistake
matter
ages
, Fix the agreement mistake
age
genders
and Fix the agreement mistake
gender
occupations
. To be more Fix the agreement mistake
occupation
specifice
, taking care of Correct your spelling
specific
people
is the
human Correct article usage
a
right
that the govenment
should be guaranteed.
Of course, Correct your spelling
government
people
should be responsible for their behaviors
and Change the spelling
behaviours
accepting
the consequences. But Wrong verb form
accept
people
have the right
to accepting
the Wrong verb form
accept
rescure
Correct your spelling
rescue
form
workers when Correct your spelling
from
tragedy
Add an article
the tragedy
happened
.
Wrong verb form
happens
Inclusion
, based on the Correct your spelling
Conclusion
aforementions
, Correct your spelling
aforementioned
people
doing risk
Replace the word
risky
sports
should be saved due to
the human right
they have and the priority of human lives.Fix the agreement mistake
rights
Submitted by bpcivvian on
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Task Achievement
You've made a strong case by emphasizing the value of human life and equality. However, try to include more varied examples from other dangerous sports, not just Olympic athletes, to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear structure. Use paragraphs to separate your introduction, each main point, and your conclusion for better readability.
Positive highlights
Consider revising for spelling and grammatical accuracy ('Olinpic Athelates' should be 'Olympic Athletes', 'visable' should be 'viable', 'elaberated on' should be 'elaborated on', etc.). Minor errors can distract the reader.
Positive highlights
Your concluding statement effectively summarizes your standpoint, reinforcing the importance of human rights and the value of human life.
Positive highlights
You have demonstrated a clear position throughout your essay, affirming your support for providing rescue services to individuals partaking in high-risk sports.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
