Some school leavers travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to university. What are the advantages or disadvantages for their study?

There is a controversial perspective heating a debate that some
people
take a gap
year
in order to travel or work
instead
of going directly to college.
This
phenomenon has both pros and cons.
However
, its
advantage
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advantages
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can not overshadow its
disadvantage
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disadvantages
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. Without a shadow of a doubt, some
school
leavers choose to take a trip
as well as
find a job that does more harm than good.
And the
Correct word choice
The
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explanation for
this
could be that spending a
year
working before going to
academy
Correct article usage
the academy
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leads
to
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apply
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people
to concentrate too much on work because of the high salary, which causes them to ignore the importance of
study
Wrong verb form
studying
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.
For instance
, working as a part-time employee at a famous clothing store namely Uniqlo, which doesn’t require a college degree but still has a comparatively stable income.
However
,
this
occupation can not be embarked
for
Change preposition
on for
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a
Correct article usage
the
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long term.
In addition
, travelling
also
costs a fortune, which is considered a financial burden for the family because high
school
graduates don't make any money yet.
Thus
, taking a gap
year
for travelling or
working
Replace the word
work
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brings
Verb problem
has
show examples
Correct article usage
a tremendously
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tremendously
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tremendous
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influence on
people
While
the demerits of taking a
year
off between
school
and university are widely acknowledged, it is unfair if its merits are ignored because travelling and working do wonders for
people
in some aspects of life.
This
is
due to
the fact that
people
are able to blow off some steam after an intimidating studying
year
before entering
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
new
school
.
For example
, travelling to new lands is a way to not only relieve stress but
also
absorb more knowledge
such
as
cultures
Correct article usage
the cultures
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of different nations or new languages.
Moreover
, working part-time
also
helps
people
gain more soft skills like communication
skill
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skills
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or solving-problem
skill
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skills
show examples
.
Hence
, working or travelling
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
immensely beneficial to
people
. In conclusion, taking a
year
off to travel or
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
allows
people
to chill out,
however
, it can
also
act as an adversity for
people
when they come back to the institution.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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Introduction clarity
Make sure your introduction clearly states the topic and your viewpoint, providing a roadmap for the reader. Your introduction starts strong, but the sentence structure could be clearer to directly introduce the discussion.
Balanced Argument
When mentioning advantages or disadvantages, ensure you provide balanced and specific examples for both sides. Your essay leans more towards the disadvantages, making it slightly imbalanced.
Vocabulary Range
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas. While your essay exhibits good use of language, more varied expressions could enhance readability and interest.
Argument Depth
Be cautious with overly generalized statements (e.g., 'does more harm than good'). Providing more nuanced perspectives can strengthen your argument.
Paragraph Structure
In constructing paragraphs, especially when explaining advantages and disadvantages, making clear, distinct points followed by detailed examples enhances clarity and comprehension.
Structural Organization
You have provided a good structure to your essay, with an introduction, body paragraphs for both sides of the argument, and a conclusion.
Effective Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively sums up the essay, reiterating the main points made in the discussion.
Task Response
You showcase an ability to discuss both advantages and disadvantages, indicating an understanding of the task requirements.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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