IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and ,are comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and ,are comparisons where relevant.
#show #sales #sectors #zealand #summaries #information #features #comparisons
The pie chart compares
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
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habits
Change preposition
in habits
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 to
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
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 online goods in four
section
Change to a plural noun
sections
show examples
 including, film/music, books,
clothes
 and travel in 2003 and 2013, over a decade in
individual
Add an article
an individual
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 country, New Zealand,
overall
 spending on cultural items started to dominate the
sector
 in 2013
whereas
clothes
 and travel was the leader of the
sector
 in 2003. The money
of spending
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 on books and film/music was 19% and 22%
respectivetly
Correct your spelling
respectively
 in 2003
although
after
Change preposition
apply
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ten years later, it
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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changed to 55%
collectivetly
Correct your spelling
collectively
 which means they started to dominate the retail
sector
 in New Zealand.
On the other hand
, tourism was the biggest
expanditure
Correct your spelling
expenditure
 in 2003,
accounted
Wrong verb form
accounting
show examples
 for 37% , which experienced a significant fall to 29% in 2013.
Clothes
 witnessed
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 decrease trend,
whereas
 in
retail
Correct article usage
the retail
show examples
sector
 22% part of spending belonged
to
Change preposition
on
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 clothing, in 2013
this
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased to 16%, in 2003
clothes
 and film/music had
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 sales figures and they were in
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
 second expenditure in 2003
this
 was changed in 2013
moreover
,
clothes
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 dropped the
last
 rank on spending online.
Submitted by begumyildiz on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words clothes, sector with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 3 times.
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