People are responsible for their happiness. Others feel happiness depends on other factors in their life. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

While
some
people
agree that
happiness
is a decision, others argue that
happiness
depends on many reasons. I strongly support the first perspective since
happiness
is considered one of the other feelings and
people
have the ability to control their feelings. On the one hand,based on much scientific research, the brain secretes some hormones responsible for feeling
happiness
. To illustrate, one of these hormones is called endorphins, which the brain secretes after exercise.
In other words
,
people
who have a healthy lifestyle and do regular exercise will feel happy every day. It is obvious that
people
are mainly responsible for choosing to have a good life and be happy.
On the other hand
,others believe that
happiness
is always linked to several factors in life.
For example
,
people
who agree that
happiness
depends on money,
such
as the common concept that travel always brings
happiness
. Both views have valid points;
however
, I firmly agree that everyone can control their feelings and opt to be happy or not, and that does not depend on any factors
such
as money or travel because it is temporary. Since many
people
might have a lot of money, they are not happy.
Therefore
,I believe that
happiness
is a choice because
people
should live a lifestyle that brings them joy.
To sum up
,we could say that everyone has the freedom to choose temporary
happiness
by linking their
happiness
with stuff or to feel happy daily.
Submitted by jumanh114 on

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Content Enhancement
For a fuller exploration of the topic, include broader, more diversified examples and viewpoints that encompass different aspects of life, not just money or lifestyle.
Cohesion Enhancement
Integrate transitional phrases more fluidly to improve the flow between ideas.
Introduction & Conclusion
Strong introduction and conclusion, clearly stating your viewpoint.
Examples
Good use of examples to support your arguments.
Structure
Well-structured paragraphs, each discussing a distinct view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Self-reliance
  • Positive psychology
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Well-being
  • Mindset
  • Personal choices
  • Environmental factors
  • Interpersonal relationships
  • Emotional resilience
  • Quality of life
  • Subjective well-being
  • External circumstances
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