You recently received a letter from a friend asking for advice about whether to go to college or to try to get a job. You think he/she should get a job. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter: say why he/she would not enjoy going to college explain why getting a job is a good idea for him/her suggest types of job that would be suitable for him/her

#friend #advice #college #job #idea

Dear John, I hope

this

letter finds you in good health and best spirits. I have read the letter that you sent to me

last

week, I believe that you should opt for a good

job

rather than joining the

college

this

will be a better idea for career growth in the future. As you already know, I joined the

college

after completing high school and it didn't prove to be an excellent choice for me because I did not enjoy going to

college

. I do not want you to commit a similar mistake that I did.

Hence

, searching for a

job

will be a better choice as you are keenly interested in the business you can look into real estate as well.

Moreover

, I don't have any work experience because I joined the

college

, I want you to gain some real skills that will be useful for you in your

job

field. Doing a

job

can help you to improve your decision-making skills and presentation skills. There are various jobs available in the market related to your field. I think you can start as an accountant or retail manager and after gaining some useful experience for a few years you can go for opening your business organization. I hope my suggestion will prove helpful to you. Yours sincerely, Navneet Kaur

Submitted by ss6802125 on Thu Apr 04 2024

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Task Response

To improve, try to elaborate more on why college might not be enjoyable specifically for your friend. Tailoring your arguments to the individual's interests and goals can make your advice more impactful.

Task Response

Consider introducing detailed examples or more in-depth reasoning when explaining why getting a job is a good choice. This addition would enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

Maintain a connection between paragraphs by using transitional phrases that help the reader understand the relationship between your advice against college, the benefits of work, and suitable job suggestions.

Task Response

Your letter effectively addresses all parts of the task, providing clear advice tailored to your friend’s situation.

Coherence and Cohesion

The logical structure of your letter, with each paragraph dedicated to a distinct aspect of your advice, aids readability and coherence.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your greeting and closing are appropriate, warm, and friendly, setting a positive tone for the entire letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

8 paragraphs

222 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Real-world experience
Practical experience
Financial independence
On-the-job training
Student loan debt
Personal growth
Professional networking
Career development
Skilled workers
Job market
Career goals
Immediate income
Professional relationships
Market demand
Defining interests
Educational investments

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