There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.
Over the years, as the rate of literacy rises across the globe,
this
phenomenon has resulted in terms of added pressure mounting for adolescents to do well in their studies so as to succeed when they graduate. This
has caused a handful of people to carry an opinion that schools should eliminate non-academic subjects
like physical education and culinary classes
so that students
will be able to focus on their essential academic topics instead
. In this
essay, I will delve into both sides of the coin and provide an explanation as to why I disagree with this
statement.
To begin
, in the current climate of the job market, it is important to excel in school. With that piece of qualification, there is no doubt that opportunities will come knocking on your door. As such
, by eliminating the non-essential subjects
, more time could be used to focus on a more complicated subject which requires more practice for example
mathematics and physics. Learning could be optimised and will also
allow teachers more time to aid weaker students
. For example
, it is reported by
that in Sweden, they only have a few Change preposition
apply
subjects
for the students
to focus on, so as to streamline the time taken to prepare for their examinations. This
has resulted in a hundred passing rate in all their examinations and students
are all employed even before graduation.
Although
, with the above being said, as important as essential subjects
to be, in a holistic point of view, schools also
have the duty to relay messages as well as
knowledge to their students
about physical wellbeing through physical education and dietary wellbeing by means of culinary classes
. This
will allow learners to also
learn about what they doing and putting into their bodies. Also
, this
will allow students
to discover their passion outside of just regurgitating information the entire day. Students
who dislike studying will have the opportunity to find an alternate path of their own through these lessons as well. In an example from Norway, students
are introduced to a myriad of classes
for instance
gardening, for students
gain a better perspective of life outside of study.
In conclusion, although
it is important to excel at school, I disagree with the statement that removing less essential subjects
from their curriculum as there are also
things to learn for learners holistically. Classes
like physical education will instil the importance of keeping healthy and as we all know, health is the greatest wealth.Submitted by chubbybunny on
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Task Response
Your essay presented a well-rounded discussion on the importance of both academic and non-academic subjects in school curricula. Expanding on the implications of removing non-academic subjects could further enhance your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to include a more diverse range of sentence structures to enhance readability and demonstrate linguistic flexibility. Variation in sentence lengths and structures can enrich your text.
Introduction
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the ensuing discussion and clearly outlines the argument.
Support
Good use of examples from Sweden and Norway to support your points, which adds credibility to your arguments.
Coherence
You successfully maintained a logical flow throughout the essay, making it easy for the reader to follow your line of reasoning.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.